Tyra’s got a few more tricks up her sleeve, doing the same shit over and over again, cycle after cycle, but always finding innovative presentations for the same tired formula. And you know what? I love it. So I know I haven’t been super on top of my posting and for that I apologize. But I have been diligently following this cycle and did enjoy last Wednesday the deconstructive presentation of the brilliance of Tyra’s SMIZE! Look, she even taught Larry King to do it!
Early in last week’s episode the girls were shocked and appalled to find out that one of them would be eliminated after meeting with Nigel and the head of Wilhelmina Models, with whom they will be awarded a contract if they become America’s Next Top Model. So already, less than ten-minutes into the episode, Bambi-eyed Rachel got the ax for not being charismatic enough and was sent home without the standard shallow and cliché words of wisdom adieu bid from Tyra, their model mommy.
The remaining girls quickly got over the loss and were brought to their next challenge where they were introduced to Super Smize (which was really just Tyra in a silvery jumpsuit and cape glaring into the camera and calling it smiling of sorts.) They then were put into unflattering neon jumpsuits, reminiscent of those oompa loompa outfits from the Mike TV song, and challenged in Tyra’s Fortress of Fierceness in pairs over who had the best Smize. Of course that designation was determined by Tyra and was perceived by me to mostly be arbitrary, but really you don’t watch the show for the authenticity factor.
The winners of said challenge were treated to a fancy dinner with the CEO of Wilhelmina and the losers were their dishwashers, perhaps a reminder of the painful possibilities if they continue to fail in this competition, GASP, real people labor!
The next day they were told that their challenge would be posing nude on a horse with a jockey. Some of them, notably the sweetly southern simpleton Laura, were adorably delighted by this prospect, “I just like nudity!” (LOVE HER!!!). Bianca, who has been edited to play the role of the token bitch, was put into a blonde wig, obviously as an instigator for her volatile nature, and my sister compared her masculine bone-structure and full lips juxtaposed with the flowing blonde hair to Ru Paul, which apparently Jay realized to, as he referentially called her a tranny, comparing her photo to Isis, the trans contestant from Cycle 11.
Whatever though, at the end of the episode, Bianca was again in the bottom two with the gimpy Courtney who was sent home for having given up during her shoot but still given Tyra’s good blessing, “You have a lot of fight in you.” Other good things included LC as a guest judge, which I really didn’t hate, mostly because she really liked LuLu, who happens to be my fav (she referred to her photo as “sweet and natural”), we learned that Jennifer suffers from a ptosis of the eye, basically a lazy eye, which I anticipate will lead to her inevitable demise, and we learned that when models are told to think of something that gives them a strong emotional response and can motivate them to smize, answers are likely to include beef noodles, sheet cake, and pepperoni pizza. Way to shatter those preconceived notions Tyra.
Showing posts with label ANTM. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ANTM. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Thursday, September 10, 2009
It's Been Awhile
Recently been behind on my posting but I think that the wait is all worthwhile with big things having recently happened like, oh, I don't know, THE TWO FUCKIN HOUR PREMIERE OF ANTM CYCLE 13!
Tyra Tyra, you've gone and done it again, manipulated feminist discourse to appear to be pushing the envelope and redefining what conventional beauty is when really you just are investing in smaller envelopes by only letting girls 5'7 and under audition (le petit cycle). Oh, and eliminating any already limited space for plus sized contestants (cause are you really gonna want a 2x4 waddling down the runway--let's be real).
Last night's premiere was, well, two hours of Tyra, so I'm mostly gonna talk about the competition as it stands and mostly the second half of the premiere, because honestly aside for Jaslene no girls ever called for casting and sent home without living in the house goes on to do much of anything with the show or the biz, which Tyra made particularly clear sending them off basically telling them, "Well this sucks 'cause next cycle were going back to the leggy ladies and no agency will bother with you, so, I don't know, go try and be in a commercial or something, SEE YA!"
I think that the element of their height will add significantly to ther perceived sense of agony come all of their elimination because like TLC famed Matt and Amy will tell you, they're little people in a big world (as a side note this short thing could yield some hilarious guest judges--I'm gonna think of that more)!
Tyra pissed me off when cutting down to the final 14 by casting Amber, straw-hatted Jesus freak, but who then mysteriously had to go home after a commercial break (bummer). I'm not sure about that girl, either she was a conspicuous plant who just couldn't make that bit funny, or she was a complete psychopath. Regardless, her departure gave Queens girl Lisa (who is too underwhelming to represent any burrough, even Queens--hell, especially Queens) a second chance.
The house itself, like the first photo shoot, plays up the idea of their petit-statures, looking like its designers drew inspiration from Candy Land, the set of Care Bears and Gymboree. The dynamic within the house seems a little premature to judge, though some girls have steaked types for themselves.
Bloody eye-ball chick, aka Nicole, is a heady outsider with a quiet edge on the competition with her sharp facial angles and confidence in front of the camera. But her pseudo Emersonian demeanor comes across as unjustifiable elitism and apathy. I reasonably forsee a "You have got to make us know you want this" moment with Tyra at panel.
Bianca is a contestant who I initially loved and actually made me tear up during her initial panel with Tyra, Jay and J, talking about reclaiming her identity from an abusive relationship by cutting her hair off and being more true to herself. Loves it. Obvi. But then when they moved in and throughout their Ty-overs (what make overs are now called) and their first shoot she came across as arrogant and ungrateful. Her being in the bottom two with the personality-less Lisa I imagine shot her back into shape and let her know just how much it'd fucking suck to peace.
I was pissed when Lisa went home strictly because I didn't consider her a legitimate contestant to begin with. When the men i white coats came for Amber they snatched Lisa back in and Tyra's acting all as if she was the first one on her mind. Whatever. She sucked, she's gone now.
Girls I love, Laura, a real freagin country girl with the twang and to match and tales of her Grandma sewing her clothes and her days of castrating cows, bah, such a type this one, I love it, so endearing and I can't even stand it, plus she's got waterworks, she cries everytime Tyra opens her mouth, I donno, I like that, it's like a testament to her simplicity.
I also way into Kara for some eason, I do tend to favor the androgynous types and that might be it, but there's totally something about her not all who wander are lost, but I totally know that I can afford that attitude attitude is drawing me to her, who knows.
Then my obvious favorite LuLu, Brooklynite lesbian of color, an ANTM first, I seriously felt a little embarassed, though mostly a little delighted, when I had the same queened-out reaction as Miss J to her coming-out to the panel.
I could go on for more but the important things to take home from the premiere are as follows: shorty fire burning on the runway, recurring conversations about elongating your body, the usual talk of having overcome obstacles, a note absence of a supermodel judge aside from Tyra, and the usual lunacy that is ANTM---just with a few inches shaved off (we ARE in a RECESSION people!).
Tyra Tyra, you've gone and done it again, manipulated feminist discourse to appear to be pushing the envelope and redefining what conventional beauty is when really you just are investing in smaller envelopes by only letting girls 5'7 and under audition (le petit cycle). Oh, and eliminating any already limited space for plus sized contestants (cause are you really gonna want a 2x4 waddling down the runway--let's be real).
Last night's premiere was, well, two hours of Tyra, so I'm mostly gonna talk about the competition as it stands and mostly the second half of the premiere, because honestly aside for Jaslene no girls ever called for casting and sent home without living in the house goes on to do much of anything with the show or the biz, which Tyra made particularly clear sending them off basically telling them, "Well this sucks 'cause next cycle were going back to the leggy ladies and no agency will bother with you, so, I don't know, go try and be in a commercial or something, SEE YA!"
I think that the element of their height will add significantly to ther perceived sense of agony come all of their elimination because like TLC famed Matt and Amy will tell you, they're little people in a big world (as a side note this short thing could yield some hilarious guest judges--I'm gonna think of that more)!
Tyra pissed me off when cutting down to the final 14 by casting Amber, straw-hatted Jesus freak, but who then mysteriously had to go home after a commercial break (bummer). I'm not sure about that girl, either she was a conspicuous plant who just couldn't make that bit funny, or she was a complete psychopath. Regardless, her departure gave Queens girl Lisa (who is too underwhelming to represent any burrough, even Queens--hell, especially Queens) a second chance.
The house itself, like the first photo shoot, plays up the idea of their petit-statures, looking like its designers drew inspiration from Candy Land, the set of Care Bears and Gymboree. The dynamic within the house seems a little premature to judge, though some girls have steaked types for themselves.
Bloody eye-ball chick, aka Nicole, is a heady outsider with a quiet edge on the competition with her sharp facial angles and confidence in front of the camera. But her pseudo Emersonian demeanor comes across as unjustifiable elitism and apathy. I reasonably forsee a "You have got to make us know you want this" moment with Tyra at panel.
Bianca is a contestant who I initially loved and actually made me tear up during her initial panel with Tyra, Jay and J, talking about reclaiming her identity from an abusive relationship by cutting her hair off and being more true to herself. Loves it. Obvi. But then when they moved in and throughout their Ty-overs (what make overs are now called) and their first shoot she came across as arrogant and ungrateful. Her being in the bottom two with the personality-less Lisa I imagine shot her back into shape and let her know just how much it'd fucking suck to peace.
I was pissed when Lisa went home strictly because I didn't consider her a legitimate contestant to begin with. When the men i white coats came for Amber they snatched Lisa back in and Tyra's acting all as if she was the first one on her mind. Whatever. She sucked, she's gone now.
Girls I love, Laura, a real freagin country girl with the twang and to match and tales of her Grandma sewing her clothes and her days of castrating cows, bah, such a type this one, I love it, so endearing and I can't even stand it, plus she's got waterworks, she cries everytime Tyra opens her mouth, I donno, I like that, it's like a testament to her simplicity.
I also way into Kara for some eason, I do tend to favor the androgynous types and that might be it, but there's totally something about her not all who wander are lost, but I totally know that I can afford that attitude attitude is drawing me to her, who knows.
Then my obvious favorite LuLu, Brooklynite lesbian of color, an ANTM first, I seriously felt a little embarassed, though mostly a little delighted, when I had the same queened-out reaction as Miss J to her coming-out to the panel.
I could go on for more but the important things to take home from the premiere are as follows: shorty fire burning on the runway, recurring conversations about elongating your body, the usual talk of having overcome obstacles, a note absence of a supermodel judge aside from Tyra, and the usual lunacy that is ANTM---just with a few inches shaved off (we ARE in a RECESSION people!).
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